• Domina Dali

Identifying Unsafe Players

Never take my association with someone as endorsement. Just because I know someone does not make them safe. Never take anyone's association with anyone else as a sign that they are a safe player. Unsafe players are often very socially adept people who build communities and cliques around themselves. Equally, never take my silence about a person as endorsement.


Even as I write this I cringe. The fact I'm writing a "how-to" on identifying safe players and incidentally propping myself up, is something I would view as a potential red flag. I've met many white knights and maybe just talking about this at all leaves a bad taste in my mouth.


Red Flags


The first and most important red flag is that feeling in your gut.


They are newbie magnets. This. Without a doubt. Every. Single. Time. Whether that's new to the scene in general or your particular local scene. They go through newbie's like bad work places with high turn over. Often never seeing the newbie again and left with a bad feeling in your gut, often wondering what happened?


These people will brag about who they know, often stretching the truth about the extent of their relationships.


They act like they are the ones with the key to give you access to the kink community. When truthfully anyone can access it at anytime. You just have to show up.


They have built small communities or cliques around them that come off as elitest.


They appear to say all the right things but it's a thin veneer you can easily scratch off.


They believe that because they are dom they can do anything and have a poor view of subs.


Overly confident or ambitious for their skill level and/or unconcerned about safety. Being at a beginner skill level does not make you unsafe at all, being an egotistical idiot does.


There are a million more.


Red flags are something you need to tag and file in the back of your mind and wait for further information. Is every community leader unsafe? Absolutely not, community BUILDERS are amazing people. There are people who use their social finesse as a way to get power, money, and sex in a harmful and damaging manner.


Building Trust

TAKE. IT. SLOW.

...and because someone said it way better than me!


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