• Domina Dali

Common Misconceptions About BDSM

You Have To Be Dominant Or Submissive

You truly don't have to be! There are a number of roles you can identify with and different angles to come at them by.These parts of us are often contradicting, we are human after all. Your kink identity is also likely change over time as you evolve as you do in all facets of your life. Dominant or service top? Daddy or submissive? Why not both! In my experience gender often misconstrues our thoughts about our own sexuality. Men often feeling like they need to be dominant and vice versa for women. Labels are really just a way to communicate about our current desires, and forcing yourself into a certain label box is not helpful to your journey. Enjoy what you want to, and shed the idea of "should". Like submissives should only act certain way or a dominatrix can only look a certain way. I don't need to wear lingerie, I could dominate you in a turtle neck. You can also experience kink completely outside of power dynamics and just be a kinkster who enjoys particular activities or fetishes.


People Who Are Into BDSM Are Damaged

Of course there are people who are, but they occupy all parts of society. There are many people by all measures who could be seen as "normal" and successful who also happen to be into BDSM. Also, are any of us truly completely undamaged? No one lives and gets out unscratched. I find that people who practice BDSM have the propensity to actually become more self aware and thoughtful towards their interactions with others.


It's All About Pain

You can be kinky your entire life and never want to be hurt! Pain just like having a foot fetish is just another proclivity some folks just happen to have. You do not have to enjoy pain to be a submissive. Equally you can enjoy pain without it being extreme and still identify as a masochist. It's all relative and it's all about you and your journey!


BDSM Is About Sex

For some it's a foreplay to sex. For others it's a required part of sex. Some people enjoy it all on it's own. I've had loads of play partners that I've never "traditionally fucked". Some where kink was always hand in hand with sex. Also how do we define sex anymore? Is cumming sex? What if everything we do in the dungeon is sex? I digress...


Submissives Are Always Submissive

I know many bottoms that are some of the strongest, hard working, bad ass people I know. Submissive isn't a bad word and isn't an invitation to let you walk all over someone. People who think that way are the problem. Which brings me to my next point.


Dominants Are Better Than Submissives

I have seen "dom(me)s" who genuinely think this way as it expresses through their words and actions. It scares me to think that a person would unknowingly give this part of themselves to them. That's the thing though, a submissive is the one giving another person power. This is something that should always be valued and respected.


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